I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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