Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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