wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
