I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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