i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
