Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
