I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
