He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
