After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
