Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
