how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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