the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
