My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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