I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
