Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
