I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
