The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
