I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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