and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize