dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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