Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
