and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
