I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
