put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
