Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
