He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
my poor anus
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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