Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
