So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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