Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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