you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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