So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
