I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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