You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
