you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
