I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
50% drunk capacity currently
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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