So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
