Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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