By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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