I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
