Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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