would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I am naked and annoyed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
