whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
