who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
no you cant smoke seaweed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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