im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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