i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
