he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
