I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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