Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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