I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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