I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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