Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She's just so happy...and so naked.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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