but the lizard people decide everything anyway
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
