matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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