just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
