i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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