winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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