but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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