Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
handjob tips. give me some.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
