maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize