Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
