is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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