I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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