i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We are two peas in an std pod
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
