Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We named our party play list daddy issues
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
