1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
