I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
