I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
