i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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