I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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